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She decided not to read any more cards. A swarm of people awaited them at the church. Was there another funeral on today? The Man did not know that many people, let alone have that many friends. But they were not leaving. The church was fit to bursting with people who touched each other easily, safe in the knowledge they had grief in common. What was this, some sort of cruel joke? This funeral was not for the Man that she had known. Where had he gone? Where was his cold, empty wake? The Girl watched as the strangers stood at the front of the church and talked about a good man. A peacemaker. The congregation nodded in agreement, the Girl fought vomit. He was taken too soon, they said, One more angel called to heaven. She tried, but she could not be sad. The wake was enormous and the Girl did not have the energy for it. It was full of people who had pretended to like her for years and she was not in the mood to pretend to like them – especially not as they shared their happy memories. This woman had to be kept in her present state of ecstatic oblivion until whatever time someone came to our rescue. And I was facing a serious marathon challenge.Was this how the young gigolos felt as they performed their duty for the wrinkled and gnarled old widows? I'd heard a cynical report of how it was done. To get it up, imagine she's somebody young and gorgeous. Then to delay ejaculation, think about cold tea. I tried the first idea, silently mouthing "Britney, Britney... Paris, Paris..." That kept me going for a bit. Then I remembered someone had sent me the link to a website that listed all the celebrities who enjoyed rear action. That had become an intriguing fantasy - some distinctly classy ladies who liked to be worshipped in their little secret passage, spunk in their angel-shit. (Butter wouldn't melt, as Marlon put it.)By now I too had lost track of time, but I was also finding a strange thing. This was actually not turning out to be a duty at all. I found I was.
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