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I noticed Tracy, then in college – a blonde Midwestern beauty, and was immediately attracted to her. We were driven to their parent’s home, and had lunch. Through the weekend, I got to know all of my wife-to-be’s family, including Tracy. Tracy was dating, in College, and not very interested in me, so didn’t notice that I was giving her my undivided attention. My wife and I married in the summer of 1990. Over the years, Tracy and I did get to know each other, and became brother and sister-in-law. I never hinted my attraction to her, nor did I get the sense she was attracted to me.My wife developed kidney disease in 2006, and fought it without dialysis until early 2017. For 18 months, she endured dialysis, finally succumbing to the disease in the summer of 2019.I remained close to her family. Christmas 2017 I was invited to Christmas at my mother in law’s home in the Midwest. My life would never be the same.I arrived about a week before Christmas. Tracy picked me up at the. I was simply, inexplicably, no longer attracted to her in that way.”“I’d propose it was related to you making peace with yourself over your mom.”“And I wouldn’t discount that theory in any way.”“What kind of memories do you have of the physical acts?”“They’re vague and ephemeral, and I’m happy about that. I know from my journal that the pleasure was intense and I sought it at every turn, but now, fifteen years later, I can’t even imagine doing it, and, frankly, I don’t want to.”“Which is the natural reaction most people have to incest. It’s such a strong social taboo that the vast majority who consider it never move beyond the fantasy. Your situation was such that taboos meant nothing, but even that isn’t a strong enough statement. For you, violating taboos was part of your rebellion against your mother. Unless I miss my guess, your willingness to engage in nearly any heterosexual sex act was, at least in part, a statement to your mother that she could not control your sex life.”I.
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