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”“You know I'm not gay right?”“It’s not about that,” he said, “I’m not gay either. But I have been locked up for seven years with five more to go. Masturbation gets old.”“You’ll have to let me think about this,” I said after a long pause. The problem was mostly a question of trust. How did I know that he would follow through with his promise. And that the note would even matter. In the end, my curiosity won out over my concerns.“Ok, here's the deal,” I said, “If we do this, than I’m in control. I do it my way, got it?” I said to him, “And I’m going to get off too.”“Of course, I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he said with a wicked grin.There was an unoccupied bay just past the shower area. We agreed to move our stuff to that bay. He called the bottom bunk which was fine with me. Since everyone else was asleep, moving a vinyl mat and a plastic tote silently was difficult, but we managed. The bay was fairly dark, but we could still see well enough. I put my mat on the top bunk and my. They all thought of me. In the emotional atmosphere they thought about how playful and nice I was. When they thought about me, a piece of my identity was lodged in their minds, and suddenly my existence on earth started to have significance. It seems almost worthless doing anything on earth unless other people recognise it. I knew, however, that once many of the churchgoers went home to watch TV, their memories of me would start to fade. My brother, my babysitter, my parents, and my few friends will continue to mourn, but everyone else will move on with time. When those who remember me finally leave the world, their existence on earth will leave only a tiny speck on the timeline of existence. A thousand years from now, no one will be around to recognize that I ever existed.What if Erika and I survived? Sometimes I wonder what might have happened. We'd get married, have children, grow old, watch our children grow up before they leave the house, and sit back while our love starts to.
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