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My stomach kept heaving. I picked at pathetic morsels I’d put on my plate so my family wouldn’t notice. I lost weight rapidly, my cheeks became gaunt and my hair and skin looked lifeless. I went for my nightly walks, taking the dog with me. I sat on the bank’s edge by the creek and bawled my eyes out. My family needed me, but I couldn’t give them anything of myself. I had nothing to give. Why me? Why the hell me? Why let me fall in love so deeply, only to take it away from me? I couldn’t come to terms with the loss at all. At any point in any day, I would burst into tears. The loss of control I felt when these tears smothered me, scared me to death. I could be in my car driving in traffic to work, and suddenly this overwhelming ache would move up my shoulders, up the back of my neck and culminate in floods of tears. I’d arrive at work only to tell them I couldn’t cope and then drive home. I’d be working with the kids in the classroom and suddenly tears would stream down my face. I’d. She lifted the panties and sniffed them. They smelled faintly of soap, rather than the smell she had left on them. She moved each to the bottom of its pile and took the ones from the top.She dressed in her hospital whites and went to the kitchen. Eric was eating pancakes, and she joined him. When she had had enough, she drained her second cup of coffee.“Eric, go warm up the car, will you?” she said.“It’s not that cold out.”“Go warm up the car!” She put some steel in her voice. “And open the garage door first. We don’t want carbon monoxide to accumulate.”“Yes, ma’am.” He left the room.“Mrs. Grant,” she said, “It was entirely unnecessary to wash my underclothes. I can do my own laundry.”“Yes, Doctor, but I do the laundry in this house.”“Did you wash them by themselves?”“Should I have?” Mrs. Grant asked. “I did a load of colored clothes. Normally, we do laundry once a week. Would that be all right with you?” And if she said that it would be, then she was agreeing to Mrs. Grant’s doing.
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