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.. , it’s a beautiful car, but it needs another color. Shit ... Just put some stripes on it. How the hell do you find it in the dark?”I just stared at her. I was glad that she wasn’t really my niece. I was about ready to get into my car and leave her standing there with her tongue flapping in her big ass mouth and her big ass hanging out of her tiny shorts. I think she sensed that she had fucked up though because she changed the subject pretty quickly.“Maybe it’s a guy thing,” she said. “My dream car is a white Volkswagen Beetle convertible; so what do I know about cars?”The frown on my face lessened. “Those turd boys sure are staring at your car though,” she smiled.I was sure they were staring at her ass but I didn’t say anything about that. “Why are they turd boys?” I asked. “What exactly is a turd boy?”“A guy who’s just totally full of shit,” she said. “They were all bragging about how fast they were and how they made it all the way around the park, until you showed up. Like I said. Maybe he is loving you?” Stupidly I cried again as the boy hugged me. “What you say, fucking me!” The boy held the phone with a shaking hand, it was working and the dial had the old hotels address in German? “Not German.” The boy said as he called the operator and then the police. But it took some time to be understood and it was several hours before the Policie České republiky helicopter appeared overhead. With my friend in an ambulance I led the surprised policeman to the lower basement, to the bodies of the missing victims and the open yellow duvet with no body in it! Then it was a police and media circus as the manhunt began... My interrogation was long and in depth and they finally broke me as I admitted to loving my captor. "If indeed he was your captor?" Those two elderly women psychiatrists nearly had me pegged as a willing accomplice before that German boy rose to my defence! I stayed with the relieved German boy’s parents for a week before returning home alone to the media.
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