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She half-remembered her first experience, mildly drunk in a student flat on the outskirts of Lyon, and the guilt and discomfort she'd felt the following day. She remembered the lack of enthusiasm with which she'd approached such things with her husband; it wasn't that she hadn't wanted to be with him, it was that she'd not felt any strong desire to share that with him.And yet, something still held her back. It wasn't, she realised, that the idea repulsed her, so much as she expected it to. She wasn't a puritan, was well aware that such things happened, but hadn't had any experience of it. She didn't know anyone like that, or at least she wasn't aware that anyone she knew was like that.Caerys had many of the qualities that she'd looked for before; intelligent, funny, caring, protective at times, but also mindful of her own strengths. Unlike Henry she wasn't overbearing or dismissive — wasn't, when it came to it, a twisted doctor acting out a strange fantasy by proxy, either.Given her. Just beingAmy was enough.Finally, on the last day of our suspension and our third and finalsession together related to it, she flat out told me, "It reallybothers me that you won't open up to me, Amy. I sense a great deal ofmistrust and suspicion from you, and that's really problematic. I'mnot trying to make you do anything you don't really want to do. I justtruly think you're trying to tell us something and you're not surehow."She looked at me so openly and even kind of helplessly. It wasn't herschool counselor look. It was the look of one woman to another,desperately appealing directly to me not as a student or a kid, but asa person.Ugh. How could I not? I sighed and shifted in my seat into a moreconversational pose. Blatant honesty and vulnerability were apparentlymy twin weaknesses. Ms. Green relaxed, too. "I'm not trying to tellyou anything," I told her. "I'm just... I don't know." You don't know what?"Okay, so I had been right on the verge of telling her I was gay.
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