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It restored a lot of my confidence. More importantly, it showed me that I was not ready to engage again in the hard work necessary to form a deep commitment.Relationships have stages. There is an excitement about a first date or a new relationship that is indescribable. You go out of your way to put yourself in a good light. On a first date or the first few months of a new relationship you consciously work to impress. You go out of your way to be charming and witty. You want to sweep them off their feet.It's hard to 'just be yourself' when you are working to impress someone.I think it's the uncertainty. The butterflies wondering where the night will end up, or whether there is a chance that the relationship will be consummated. The tension of trying to discover more about the person you are with and whether you are attracted to them. It's all part of the mating dance that we all learned in high school.But, for the same reasons, new relationships tend to be superficial. You don't know. When I sat down between Ethan and Emily in the cafeteria at lunch, I washappy to see that they had already found other friends to fill the tablearound us. I hadn't seen Kathy, Jane, or Ashley since school had let outfor the summer, but I knew the smile on my face reflected the ones theywere giving me as I sat down."Hi, Megan," Jane greeted me, followed closely by the other two. "Iwasn't sure who we'd see when school started up again. That dress youwore yesterday was pretty." Thanks," I replied. This was the first time anyone had actually talkedto me about the change since school started, and I was glad to see thatthey were okay with it. The three of them hadn't pushed me away lastyear, and the summer hadn't changed their feelings toward me at all."Megan is here to stay," I informed them."So you're going to have the..." Kathy started, but her words caught inher throat. "The surgery and stuff?" she finally finished. She turnedred immediately, but I smiled at her curiosity."Sort of," I.
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