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"No, I just don't know if I should go out with you," she said."Oh, okay."She looked at me confused. "That's it? Just okay is you response?" she asked."Yeah, what else can I say? It's obvious that you don't want to go out with me, so I need to move on," I said."I never said I didn't want to go out with you." Now I'm really confused. You can't decide if you want to go out with me. I'm supposed to put my life on hold until you decide? How is that fair to anyone?" I asked."So, because I can't make up my mind, you are moving on?" she asked."If I had a clue as to what was up for debate, I might understand. I like you a lot. I have for a long time. I'm just tired of not knowing. I would hope you would want to go out with me, but I can't force you. When you keep saying you have to think about it, what I'm hearing is no. Do me a favor and put me out of my misery." I guess I want to go out with you," she said, clearly sounding uncertain.I sighed. Now it felt like I forced her to go out with. ” We chatted on for a while; then all of a sudden I started to feel very tired and hungry, and Fenella accepted that we should probably call it a night. “After all,” she teased me, “you need to get up your strength for tomorrow evening!” That was when we had agreed to have our Skype tryst. “I’ll be counting the minutes until then. God, Fen, I can’t believe how quickly this has all happened.” “Ah, but remember, darling, how many years ago it began. It hasn’t just started now. We’re catching up, Jo. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do...” I went through the rest of the evening in a blissful daze, with a feeling that somehow all my senses had been sharpened. My spicy chicken casserole seemed to taste spicier, my favourite craft beer seemed to have more than its usual tang. Most surprising to me of all was that, when I took my tablet off to bed with me, intending to continue reading Fenella’s story, I felt no need to masturbate. I just wanted to cherish the wonderful feeling of physical.
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