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Even though I’m hadn’t been a commercial artist up till now, I still have a sense of concern for the audience. I think every artist secretly wants to be loved- for there work and for themselves. When someone doesn’t like you, they tend to be harsher toward your work, and when someone doesn’t like your work, it can feel like a personal rejection, even when it’s not. Amazingly, I also found some artists whose work was on display that I felt was inferior to mine. Not in a snobbish way, I don’t think but in a sort of reassuring way. It feels ok to be in the middle area between the adequate and the awesome. I guess that’s pretty much how I feel about myself as well. I’m not completely untalented, but I’m not the best. I’m not rich, but I’m not starving. I’m certainly not ugly, maybe even beautiful, but not perfectly so. I have faults and flaws and I do my best to hide them and to emphasize my strengths, but I know they’re there. I know that my breasts look perky because of my under wire,. Imagine two... Think about how you feel having those two inside of you, they are half the size..."Erika is gaping at me, lost in imagination, her little hand still holding my fist. She is shocked and don't know how to respond, but knowing her..."D-Do it... I don't c-care..." She says, finally. She cries her answer. And I smile. A devious but absurdly honest smile. The girl looks like she had just given me her life, she's pale, trembling, terrified... But decided. I had won."I'm not discarding you, just the opposite. I want you to help me do these things to her."And I thought I couldn't see her make an even more surprised face.*****I had been absent from the company for a really long time now. Things were agitated at my fortified mountain house and even when I was in my office, I couldn't help myself from watching the girls periodically.Worse. When I was there, I troubled the only person who kept my office working on my absence: Gabrielle. It was impossible not to feel that I was.
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