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“Then my question to you is - why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?” asked the prosecutor. “It seemed easier” replied the defendant “than shooting a different man every day!”My wife came back from work yesterday and yelled at me “All my friends’ husbands have bought an original pink and brown Juicy handbag!” I replied with a wink “Okay love, but tonight you’ll have to provide some pink and brown for me”. I was astonished when she nodded in agreement. I had always dreamt of this moment and it was finally here and, without fail, I went upstairs that night, and was not disappointed. It was just as good as I had ever imagined. My very own snooker table!I’ve organized a charity night in aid of people who can’t reach orgasm, but don’t worry if you can’t come.Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys. Rum and ice will ruin your liver. Whiskey and ice will ruin your heart. Gin and ice will ruin your brain. Pepsi and ice will ruin your teeth. There you have it ICE is fucking lethal, lay. Alice would also enjoy helping matron with the children’s daily hygiene, which included; genital cleansing and enemas of hot castor oil that were kept in for hours afterwards with stout mushroom bungs. Many a child was thrashed for not co-operating during these treatments, although there were some children who were stoic enough to endure them. The result of this stoicism was that they would be treated even more cruelly the next time.Another of Alice’s favourite pastimes was to assist at the children’s sexual response sessions. These would included; forced masturbation and orgasm control training using special harnesses, that tightly encased their genitals and fitted snugly over their tenderised anuses making it very painful to sit and walk. All this ignited a real passion in Alice for this type of activity and when she was twenty, much to her delight, her parents left her in charge of St Saviour’s orphanage to retire and sail on the open seas.Alice now had the chance to develop her.
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