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Don’t be him! Please don’t be him! Dear God, don’t let it be him! I tried to run but it seemed my legs had roots instead of feet. My breathing seemed incredibly loud against the darkness, God help me. I leaned in trying to pinpoint the sound. I heard another rustling in the kitchen. I willed my feet to move but my stubborn fear held me to this spot. Then I saw my baby come strutting out of the kitchen, coffee grounds and gravy smoothed through his golden coat, and the meat I threw away earlier dangled from his mouth. I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. He stopped when he saw me. He looked at me with that half-cocked head turning from side to side as his beady, black eyes pierced through the nights glow to see if he was in trouble. He must have sensed my fear mixed with relief because he whimpered lightly then backed into the front room to gently sit on his bed. I just gaped at him. It’s just my Sammy. Breathe Jackie, come on girl, breathe. Once I was sure I could. "Oh, really," she sniffed disdainfully, sounding for all the world exactly like her mother.I gave Ellen my most contrite hangdog look and she burst out laughing. "Gotcha!" she said.But before I got up from the table I had promised to keep current on what was going on besides in the sports pages. Elaine guilted me into it by telling me it was my obligation as a citizen to stay informed. I replied that I thought if they wanted me to have an opinion they'd give me one. That cracked them all up."Touché," said Ellen not denying what I said even a little bit.You probably already know this and don't need to hear it from someone my age. But here it is anyway: hooking up with a smart woman is the most intelligent thing any guy can do. Because when a smart woman loves you she will treat you like you are King Shit and, at the same time, make you better at everything without you even noticing. I don't know how it works, but I know it is as much a natural law as gravity.I'm a pretty smart guy.
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