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I knew the whole idea of me being somemale could be nothing but plain silliness. How could it be anythingelse? The whole stupid idea simply made no rational sense at all.However, even knowing that it couldn't possibly be true wouldn't makeany of those strange thoughts go away.That strange feeling of wrongness was always strongest in the morningafter I'd lain with my latest man. I didn't know why being with a manthat way I enjoyed so much always made me think I was actually one ofthem. But somehow, it did. There seemed to be nothing I could doabout it.It was getting to be a real pain the ass. Why the hell did I keepthinking I was really a man?Unfortunately, thinking I was a man wasn't even the worst of myproblems at the moment.Whatever had made me start thinking I might be a man must have alsomade me believe the other five girls I lived with were also somehowmen. That was one damn peculiar notion. It made as little sense tome as my thinking I was a man. Just as it was with me, anyone. I just remember you saying something about not wanting them to be part of some police investigation, if you did what you said you wanted to do." He turned to look at her and said angrily, "And I don't even know if you are still thinking about doing that. Any time I say something to you about how much I want you here, you keep saying you need to leave." Well, damn. Howard, you have enough going on in your life right now. You don't need me to mess it up worse." She raised her voice, "I can't stay here, mooching off of you. I need to get on with my life, what little there is left of it."Howard lowered his voice, but couldn't keep the anger out of it, "Is this about the baby? You can't possibly think a baby would have made your life better. Good God, a child is a lifetime commitment."Instead of matching his lower voice, Gail screamed at him, "Well, thank you, Mister Pleas. Maybe a commitment to a baby is just a little better than anything else I've ever had in the rest of my worthless.
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