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Since I could, and inevitably would, Change back, did I really have to worry about hauling a load of emotional and moral baggage along with me? Or, was the ephemeral nature of the experience a sort of blanket absolution?If I started with the assumption – Neeka's position as well – that everything I turned into was a manifestation of my imagination, then the things I became had no more separate moral culpability than a child's imaginary playmate. I couldn't pass that buck along with a shrug and a "she did it, not me".Catholics believe that the thought is as good as the deed when it comes to being guilty of stuff. If so, then perhaps that logic also worked the other way around – even if you did something technically bad, but had no evil intent, then it wasn't something you should be agonizing over.As for spotting evil, I considered myself an expert in the field. I mean, I could see Leonora as a victim of circumstance, the Torturer as misguided, the Horseman as salvageable, and Cordoba. The other advantage of seeing the rite of passage as cyclical is that it is not a simple straight line and more accurately reflects practise. It allows for the possibility for the slave to move back around the circle. The slave does not move forward in easy steps in a linear way. He will face challenges that he will fail and he will do things that displease or anger Kali in the course of his ordeals. These will set him back in his path to complete servitude. It also maintains Shiva in a position of continual striving to serve and satisfy his Goddess. The ultimate goal of an entirely pure slave is not realisable. This leaves the slave in a state of continuing to strive in order to show his absolute devotion to Goddess. He will have to endure the setbacks alongside the occasions where he might receive praise for the times he has pleased Goddess with his service.ConclusionIt is this tension between punishment and reward, pain and pleasure that is at the very heart of a slave’s.
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