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Step Two: Identity Comparison At this stage, a person may try to find an explanation for why they are having the feelings they are experiencing. "Maybe I am gay. Or maybe I’m bisexual.” Feelings of isolation & alienation are common in this stage. A person might wonder “Is this a phase?” “Am I only attracted to this one same sex person, or is this going to be a permanent trend?”Step Three: Identity Tolerance.In this stage, a person might begin to accept identifying as gay, lesbian or transgendered or bisexual. Some might come to terms with some parts of being a gay, but not fully embrace it. One might accept participating in sexual activity with woman and consider it okay, but may not be ready to identity as lesbian or bisexual for example, in public- thus, leading a ‘double life.’ Or a man may come to accept that he has fallen in love with another man, but considers this an isolated situation. At this stage, it is common for people to seek out a gay/ lesbian/bi-sexual community or. Before we go on, I’d like to try to explain the evolution of my personal philosophy. While we’re growing up we are taught that sexuality is something to be ignored, suppressed and controlled … if not, the ‘beast’ might take over our conscious beings somehow. We’re taught that only husbands and wives can indulge in sex … but somehow all the jokes portray marital sex as dull and boring. Then by deduction, most of us figure out that if sex is to be exciting and fun then it must be outside marriage. If it’s outside marriage, then it must be dirty. Of course everything along the way is complicated by the old double standard … no wonder everyone is usually in such a snit about it. Affairs for instance … did you know that very few affairs have anything to do with sex at all? It’s true. Some men think it’s about the ‘thrill of the hunt’ … the conquest … but it’s not. To them it’s about power. Sometimes men or women stray because they need someone to make them feel special. They need to.
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