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Mainly it was because I was pretty sure it was one of those half-baked ideas I sometimes had that never came to fruition. I could well recall too many of those from my past, which I'd been foolish enough to speak about prematurely. Programming A.I., artificial intelligence. Trisecting an angle in geometry. Hell, when I'd been a kid I'd even fooled around with perpetual motion, sure I could get it done where no-one ever had before. And I remembered vividly how foolish, how stupid, I'd felt when I'd, inevitably, failed and had to admit it.That was a feeling I simply couldn't afford right now. To initiate a move and fail before I'd even got fairly started, especially in front of the woman I loved, would be more of a blow than my always fragile self-esteem could stand. I was already in waters well above my head, with my life recently in dire peril twice—I had no doubt at all that, Cesar Romero's promises notwithstanding, I'd have been dead a split second after handing him the flash. Seeing their decay still reflected on my ageing. To camouflage menopause, personal upkeep was doubled down. My attire remained selected for attention, but conservatively. I went to the hairdresser weekly and there was not a sniff of exposed grey hair. Makeup, used sparingly, was my friend. Passing men’s second glances confirmed, I remained a woman. My new mantra was. I don’t need eggs; it means I’m free of monthly cramps!We owned a downtown Seattle condo near the Space Needle, purchased to be big city weekenders, a downtown pad, a place to crash after dining and, drinking without the drive home. Rationalizations for investment, which occurs when excess money accumulates without needs for its disposal, squander money, mortgage interest, and real estate tax expenditures to save income taxes. It doesn’t matter, there’s always an excuse. While weekenders we missed most weekends. We had no defence for the cost of feathering an unneeded nest. Soon it was, “Because we own it”.The “real”.
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