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She wanted to be the one to touch Merrigan, though she wouldn't have wanted to stop at the edges of her swimsuit. She was also jealous—no, perturbed, would be a better word—that Merrigan was flirting so shamelessly with Ben. Brianna had flirted with the tall boy during the year, too, but with much less gregariousness. However, ever since Ben had saved her from Tyson, Brianna felt something more for him. She felt almost ... possessive ... of him. She often had to remind herself not to be clingy. She wasn't romantically interested in Ben, at least she didn't think she was. So why would it bother her that Merrigan was so flirty with him?Brianna's jealousy subsided somewhat when Merrigan recommended Ben rub lotion on Brianna, too. He had such a hopeful look on his face when he asked her, that she couldn't turn him down. Brianna blushed furiously and averted her eyes when he stood up to cross the few feet between the girls' loungers. Ben's interest in his task was clearly evident in his. I cried some, partly from fear, partly from my break-up with Atal, but also because I came to one inescapable conclusion: I loved sex! I was a bit at a loss, however. I couldn’t bring myself to go out and see friends and neighbors. I was too embarrassed, like I thought everyone else in the whole world knew what happened.I knew it was just bad to start having the entire neighborhood over for my satisfaction, but every time I thought of having a man inside me, it made me wet. As the next several days wore on, I touched myself often, fantasizing about being with a man, wondering if sex would be that way when I got married. I was initially afraid of pregnancy., but it was a passing thing. My Daddy would be so angry when he found out. I knew he would, it was just a matter of time. But in the mean time, I figured to just let things happen. Somehow I was more afraid of telling Daddy than his confronting me when he did find out. Overall, I was still very nervous, though. .
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