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Her expression was tender, knowing, forgiving. I could not match my mother's face with hers, nor my great-aunt nor my grandmother nor anyone else. I wondered what it might be like to have such a mother. In many ways her expression reminded me of one I sometimes saw on Martha Jane. My eyes moved down to Mary's small bosom, and warmly I remembered the moist swell of Martha Jane's breasts and the feel of her nipples under my tongue.I asked myself if the woman who lived within that statue would be scandalized at my illicit familiarity with the feel and taste of real, warm, responsive titties. Would she, too, offer a nipple for sucking?I was fully aware of the blasphemous nature of these thoughts. As Mass moved agonizingly along, we children prepared for communion by attending the rear confessional one by one. Dutifully, I ducked into the dark curtained booth and spoke into the cloth shrouded grating that separated me from the priest, whom I could dimly see and whom I knew immediately to. The pain you feel also creates yourempathy for your fellow human beings."'It hurts so much!' I could not stem my tears any longer and allowed thewell to spring forth. 'I have to be true to my physical appearance asthat is how everyone perceives me.'"You possess the courage to fight for who you really are; do not allowthe ignorance of others prevent you being true to yourself." Rita feltthe little girl's pain and her heart reached out to her. How do youexplain the constant feeling of wrongness to the unenlightened? Perhapsif you showed them a wounded fox trapped in a horrific man trap chewingdesperately at their imprisoned leg in order to free them self?'But my daddy will never accept me as my true self; my outer shell saysI'm a boy and he will never understand the girl inside me.'"Oh David don't you realise your so called daddy has already rejected youand abandoned you without ever knowing you?" Rita felt a pang of regretat the brutality of her words. The truth hurts but what more.
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