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I mean, it would be bad enough to have your dad came out of the closetand announce that he's gay. It's a real kick in the head, but it happens;there's a context for it. Moms being doctors, dad's dating other men.There are even children's books about this sort of stuff.But to have your father announce that he is now a she, that he's decidedto become your mom instead...well, I'm sorry, but that's still outside therealm of what anyone can reasonably expect a nineteen-year-old to dealwith, that's just plain fucked-up. That just makes a mockery ofeverything; it's as if he--I'm sorry "she"--just doesn't give a shit howmuch embarrassment he's causing everyone else around him, mostsignificantly, yours truly.And he's supposed to love me, right? He always said he did, anyway. Ilove you, you're the most important thing in my life, etc etc.Yeah, right!Why the hell did they adopt me anyway? These two lunatics! That's whatI'd like to know. Who was asleep at the wheel when they walked into theagency. Yes, my thinking had evolved. Yes, I'd learned things beyond what I'd been given outright as knowledge. And yes, my programs made some completely unplanned and unanticipated detours that both gave and preserved for me, new abilities that would someday allow me to become all that I became. This all went on behind the scenes as far as I was concerned. The part that would become my true awareness, I believe always existed. As I've said before, it may have nudged some of the close decisions I often had to make into paths more favorable to me, but I never really had control of myself during this time.So when I speak of those times before today in the first person, it's because after I gained my awareness of self, I went back through my recorded memories to understand how I'd gotten here. That, of course, was about to change radically for me.I can't explain how nice it is to know that I have a history prior to this moment. And I have friends, and skills, and I have the realization that I'm.
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