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It told me also that she was not capable of seeing me in the role of "boyfriend." In order for me to be her boyfriend meant terminating the special friendship we had, at least in her mind. She couldn't bear to lose me as a friend. That's what she eventually told me, when I finally summoned up the courage to tell her outright that I loved her.Over the decades since, I've gone over our strange relationship in my mind thousands of times, trying to figure out just what was really going on. If I'd become a psychiatrist, maybe I'd have a chance at coming to a retroactive diagnosis for what this really was, and a possible solution. But I wasn't a shrink and those days were far in the past and never to be relived.In the present, I was happily married, a family man, and had to admit a indulging in a small guilty pleasure that Ruth was not only still single, but still living with her parents to this day. She'd never been able to commit, not to me, or anyone else apparently, and as far as I. All in all, I'm quite happy with my life, although no one in my family knew what I was now doing for a living.Last winter, Jim was coming home for his annual Christmas visit, but he was going to come down with a friend of his from college and spend a few days with him before he came to the house. I didn't worry too much about it since it would mean I could get a few more days of work in before I took my "vacation" while he would be here. I was looking forward to the additional work because I make great tips this time of the year. Extra money always comes in handy at Christmas time.One night I was out on the runway to begin my show when I noticed a small group of attractive young men at a table at the end of the runway. Figuring they might be good for some large tips I decided to give them some special attention. With my hair flying around covering my face and most of the customers' attention being focused on my body I can dance for quite a while without some people ever figuring out.
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