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Perhaps it was the effect of the coffee, but within minutes of closing Linda Shoesmith's front door, I felt ready to take on all comers.It must be time for another one of those little author's asides which are so tending to break up the narrative flow round here. I did not screw Linda Shoesmith. All these sleazy, twee little double-entendres are not my style. If I fuck a woman, I will tell you. You will be the first - or more likely, the third - to know. I repeat, I did not screw Linda Shoesmith.She screwed me. I never had to move a muscle. Quite how she managed to be so ... well ... physical ... with all that lot hanging from her chest, I do not know, but no doubt it's a question of sustained practice. We performed our act on the living room carpet. The television was on, but I cannot for the life of me remember anything about the show. For me, this is a damning indictment of the quality of British daytime television.What I do remember was Linda's mountainous breasts flopping. Would you like some? It was her mother. She was such a Betty Crocker. She always made sure Dad ate well. No, Mom, Im running late but thank you. She was disappointed she didnt get to finish her endeavor. As she finished up her final touches on her makeup, she glanced in the mirror making sure her outfit was appropriate for work. She had on a black striped dress pants, white button up shirt with first two buttons undone and a black scarf draped over her shoulders. She wore the black pumps and hair up in a clip with the round hoop silver earrings her mother gave her for Christmas. She thought that will have to do as she applied a thin layer of clear lip gloss to her lips and headed out the door. On her way to work, she dialed the number to the apartment she saw in the paper yesterday. A warm voice answered the phone with a quiet hello. She explained she had seen the ad Im the paper for the apartment and asked if she could see the place as well as talk over pricing. The lady on the.
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