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"There's no white man either. I just wanted to see what you'd do."So it wasn't all my problem, I decided, leaving Richard to sit there by himself. I was going back to my dorm. Why couldn't the guy get mad? He should have been jealous, that's what I wanted. My husband was telling me I wasn't worth the trouble, that's what it felt like. He would have signed divorce papers right then and there. It wasn't reasonable to my mind. It wasn't how a man behaved, how a husband reacted to the news that his wife was leaving him for someone else.I should have divorced him, I thought. Married a guy like Seth, someone selfish and possessive. I liked that. I wanted it and maybe even needed it. It made me feel safe knowing I had a man watching me, worrying over me. I thought I'd had that in Richard, but now I knew I didn't. I loved him though, that was the problem.That and the fact that I was a coward.I should have talked to him and I hadn't. I'd ambushed him, that's all. He wanted me happy, wasn't. "Why don't you join your Dad?" His mother suggested. Bill protested he was too old but his mother and to his surprise his father also encouraged him join in. He remembered it fondly. He was 37 years old and it was the last time they bathed together.He asked me if I remembered my last time. I said him I was in my early teens, around 13, and how much I loved it when mom washed me all over. I told him how I used to get boners which mom called stiffies and tell me I was her big boy. Of course the baths were non sexual, but looking back now, I realize how erotic and sensual they really were.I closed my eyes and visualized myself back when I was about 9 and mom and I were in the tub full of clear warm water soaking before she started washing me. She never used a washcloth, but instead she used her bare hands to wash me.I loved it when Mom cleaned my weenie. With her fingers around my stiffie, she would gently push my foreskin back exposing cock head. After she finished washing it, she would.
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