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She hadn't planned on hiding it from me - she had intended to confess and ask me to forgive her, but the closer she got to home the faster her courage drained from her. By the time she reached our front door she was determined to keep me from finding out what she had done."You might have forgiven me for being unfaithful, especially since I was drunk, but I knew that you would never forgive me for the other." What other?" He was black."To understand Geena's reluctance to bring up the subject of her black lover you have to know a little about me. I was born and raised in South Carolina and in the 30's, 40's and 50's South Carolina was not a hotbed of desegregation. Quite the opposite. I grew up with the attitudes of my family and friends. In short - I was pretty much a racist. I was a product of the times when there were separate drinking fountains and separate restrooms for blacks and whites and the word 'nigger' had a prominent place in my vocabulary. After leaving South Carolina and. That will be remedied in a few days.Through the good graces of one of our friends here a backup system has been put in place so if/when my mind slips off the rails my family will receive a copy of this as a legacy. I want them to see this, just not now there’s already too much turmoil and pain in our lives.I want to thank all the wonderful people who have opened up and shared their hearts with me. You have encouraged me as I hope I have been able to encourage you. It’s good to know that I’m not alone in my suffering.We’re going to be going to several areas today, some dark and some not so dark. As I said in the Night of Hell post I no longer believe much of anything religiously. I had a conversation with a friend that turned me on my ear. As I had stated in NOH I was extremely enraged at the Christian god for ignoring me. When I say enraged I mean the Hulk on a rampage would be considered slightly ticked in comparison. My friend who has walked through this entire mess with me said to.
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