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Jessica was obviously inviting me to spend time with her and irrationally I felt as if I was being unfaithful to Doris. I hope it doesn’t sound ungallant, but it was Jessica who was pushing the relationship and me who was reticent. It was the time of year for our city to hold its annual Arts Festival, and Jessica was clearly determined not to let things rest. During our next computer class she said, ‘Malaysian dancers come to Festival, I like you to come with me to see. I pay, you enjoy.’ That was too much. ‘No Jessica,’ I said firmly, you don’t pay. I’m not poor so I pay.’ She gave a gurgling sort of laugh and said, ‘Aha, then you come with me.’ I’d walked right into that one without thinking about it. An extended but friendly argument now followed at the conclusion of which it was agreed that we would go to see the dancers, and we would both pay for our tickets. Having never seen Malaysian dancers the evening proved to be a revelation, what to my ears was strange percussive music,. How could he suddenly not have any feelings for me? He would have been content just to allow this empty relationship to continue, so long as I didn’t complain. Only, deep down inside, I knew it was over. I just couldn’t face the reality of my life without him in it. ‘At least I have someone here in body, if not in spirit.’ It was my birthday last month and he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. In a mood because he hadn’t talked to me for days, would rather talk to the mailman, the neighbor, his ex-wife, who he hates by the way, anyone but me, I told him that it was inappropriate for him to buy me anything for me birthday. I figured that would generate some dialogue and a better gift, even. ‘Please don’t buy me anything for my birthday.’ ‘Okay,’ he said without even looking up from the newspaper. Okay? One word, two syllables, no argument, he just agreed to give me my way, when he never does anything I ask him to do. So, he didn’t. He didn’t buy me anything for my birthday. Allow.
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