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" "I'm not Santa Claus, you know," I said. "I exist whether you believe in me or not." I was playing it cool, looking for a way to get out of the situation, but still, I didn't want to lie to the guy and maybe scar him emotionally for life. Or something. Humans are generally very weak and whiny creatures and most seemed to rely on fairy tales to get them through their lives. "Okay, I'll give you that," he said. "You're not Santa Claus. Oh, actually you can help me with a little problem." "Oh, here it comes," I said. "It never fails. Every time one of you humans enters the woods it's all about ass-fucking an elf." I pointed at him and wagged my finger. "You look at way too much porn on the internet, mister! It's like you people go on elf quests, or something! Don't you guys have human women to ass-fuck?" He looked confused and shocked and I immediately realized I'd probably been wrong about his intentions. In fact, he seemed to be looking for a polite way to get away from me. The. "We can move the futon to the living room if you like. I forgot you're all grown up, and a man of the world now. I guess I still think of you as my little boy. I should know you need your privacy, now." It's not that," I said. "I was just surprised Phee would agree to it." She loves you," said my mother, looking very serious. "She loves you very much. And I think she misses having a stable male influence her own age in her life. She goes on dates, but never with the same man more than once. Every time we talk, she asks about you. You don't write to her enough." I'm getting my internet when I get back," I said. "They had to run a cable out to my house, and it took some time. I'll email her from now on." And call her sometimes," said Mom. "Personally, I think she compares all those men to you, and finds them lacking."I bit my tongue to keep from giggling.I was lying on the futon in my boxers. Phee had pointed to it and said, "You lie there for now." She had then stripped, right in front.
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