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Love is fulfilling. It’s all those things and all the other two sides to all our emotions. This is my story and it hurts. No matter how good things can be, it still hurts. — Four and a half years ago I stood there and stared, momentarily shocked at what I was seeing. My supposed girlfriend, Paige, was in the back of the bar where her baby sister Kate had told me she had gone, making out with a supposed friend, Tony. This was no chaste kiss. This was the spit-swapping kiss of lovers. They were making out in front of several other people, while their hands roamed freely over the other’s body. I should have turned and immediately left, but I was rooted to the floor. I couldn’t believe that these two were so blatant about it, doing it in front of six or seven other people who knew us all. I guess my early arrival was really going to be a surprise to them. The plan had been to return on Sunday, not today, Friday. My soon to be ex-friend had promised to come to the airport with my soon to. I mean, just afew days before I was a man, then I wasn't. I had achieved something thatI had thought of often. Now all I had to do was live the reality. Eachday, as I grew more and more comfortable with my new body, learning how tocope with having boobs that restricted the way I did almost everything,and having lost the ability to stand for relief, I also began to weed Ginaout of my life. Not her memory, but some of her clothes and other itemsthat always caused me pain when I saw them, like some of her jewelry, anda few of her dresses. Those I simply put in mom's room. At the end of twoweeks I had managed to try on all of the clothes, keeping only the onesthat I could wear, or wanted. I had also tried on that bikini three times.Each time I looked at myself wearing it, I found just one more thing thatlet me accept the fact that I really did look good in it, and I began tofeel that competing might just be a way for all of us to accept the deathof my sister.When I told mom that I would.
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