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.. not what I needed. I wanted to squirt. I couldn't find a girl who would help me with that, so I invented one in my imagination. I was happy with her, she was happy with me (of course) and that was great.I got what I wanted.Of course, it wasn't what I needed. What I needed was the courage to ask some girls out, crash and burn a few times, get a couple of real kisses along the way, neck and eventually score for real. But I didn't do that, because I didn't think I could. I made decisions on what I thought reality was about. Imagine that. A fifteen year old thinking he knew enough about reality to make a decent decision.Anyway, you get the drift.When I got out of school, still single, still a virgin, and still unkissed, I opted for what I thought I could actually do. That was work at the feed mill. How intelligent do you have to be to shovel grain, and sweep floors? The machinery is all automated, so the most smarts you need are to know which button to push when you want something to. My waist was trim, without a sign of the love handles that I’d gained after the hormone treatments had kicked in. My legs were well muscled, and the major joints worked smoothly without a hint of pain. The scars on my hands, arms, and legs I’d gained from years of working with sharp tools and daily workouts, were gone. The scar on my thigh from an Iraqi bullet was gone. Two of a set of three scars, that I hadn’t paid attention to in years, were still there.I’d undergone a long growth spurt between my thirteenth and sixteenth birthdays, gaining over a foot in those three short years. As a result, that time in my life had been marked by extreme clumsiness and resulted in one major scar per year. When I was thirteen, I’d tripped over my own two feet while running down the sidewalk and smashed face first into a stone wall, breaking my nose, leaving a scar across the bridge of my nose. At fourteen, I walked into the kitchen to get a soda out of the fridge and ended up playing pin ball off.
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