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We hadwebcams so we could see each other. Over time we began writing storiestogether and created an imaginary world in which I could forget myproblems and where I really was.After a month or so we began kissing and cuddling and eventually itprogressed to cybersex, and I felt a little embarrassed, but I had toadmit to myself that as long as I thought of myself as a girl, it waspossible for him to turn me on. After three months I was allowed to givehim *my* phone number and tell him that he could only phone me atcertain times. The phone was given to me at such times and taken awayagain afterwards. By now the hormones that they made me take had givenme a girl's voice and so when I gave him *my* number and told him onlyto call me at certain times, my voice sounded right to him.He was kind, funny and made me feel loved and safe. When I was with himI could forget that I was in prison and imagine myself as a real girl, agirl with someone who cared about me. A part of me was genuinely. .. smart,” he finally said.“No,” I agreed, because it wasn’t; it was positively suicidal.“I—I have to go dismiss the class,” he said, looking up at the sky again. His darkened eyes followed the direction of the storm clouds, headed straight our way.“Okay,” I said, uncrossing my ankles. I slid my legs back from his hips and reluctantly withdrew my fingers from his hair. He was gentle as he helped me down, a far cry from the man who had kissed me roughly against the wall just moments before.“Uh, here,” he said, bending down to pick up his car keys from the snow. I hadn’t even realized he’d dropped them.“What?” I asked as he put the keys in my hand.“We have to talk about this.”“Noooo,” I said, backing away. “We really don’t.”“I don’t have time to argue with you right now, Grace,” he said, checking his watch. “Wait for me in the car.”He didn’t give me the opportunity to argue anyways; he just ran a hand through his hair in some silly effort to fix it and walked away. I stared after him,.
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