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I shouted - “Where you off to Charlie?”He said, “I’m off to change a light bulb.”“That’s gonna be a bit awkward init?”“Not really.” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.”Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring.So, at least I got home OK.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.“German,” she replies.“Occupation?”“No, just here for a few days.”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from insidescreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough,. He looked at the woman now in front of him. She was middleaged and mildly attractive in the face, healthy, with a glow about her.She wore the general's shirt, now oversized, as if she had borrowed herboyfriend's shirt.Andreas looked around. Alina had a large smile on her face and a lookof unrepentant joy. He looked at the Empress who sat there stock still,her cheese plate still in her lap.Viktoria began to clap."Bravo, Major, Bravo!" she erupted loudly and enthusiastically. Andreassmiled, a bit embarrassed all of a sudden.He grabbed the sides of his dress and did a curtsy to the Empress. Whenhe was finished, he returned to his seat. Alina too joined in with herown clapping, and he grabbed his wine glass and toasted her."Yes, well done!" she gushed. The two ladies looked at each other. TheEmpress took Alina's hand."We've done it, Alina! Your plan played out just as you said it would.You are a hero of the Empire!" she continued enthusiastically."Marta, help the General into her.
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