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"Am I your friend? Like these woods? Like the other a****ls who live here? Will you have me?"I want to answer you with an immediate yes, but again you seal off my voice with your mouth... and then pull back. The look in your eyes warning me to be very careful with my answer. I know - from your face that whatever I say next will somehow seal my fate - and perhaps yours. For a hint of a moment, my desire subsides, as I consider the weight of your question, and then your hand is back on my skin; driving me wild and pushing the moment to crisis.I nod my agreement, but you are not satisfied. "Say it. Tell me I am your friend."You are poised between my thighs, your hands on either side of my shoulders, your feral face above me framed by night and stars, and I want more than anything, in this moment, to be yours - your friend, your lover, your soul mate, your partner in all things. My feet are on the bare skin of your calves, and I can feel your muscles taut - anxious.I am bereft of. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.One of the women shouted to him,“We’re not coming out until you leave!”The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”Old men can still think fast.Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator. While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.The first guy says, “I’m a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know... ‘Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.’”The second guy says, “I’m a D.I.N.K.Y., you know... ‘Double Income, No Kids Yet.’”The third guy says, “I’m a R.U.B., you know... ‘Rich, Urban, Biker.’”The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O., you know... ‘Double Income, Little Dog Owner.’”They turn to the woman and ask her. “What are you?”She replies: “I’m a WIFE, you know ... Wash, Iron,.
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